Memories of the first meeting with my baba...

These days I've been missing my Baba so very much, its unbelievable that 17 years have passed by that he has not been in our lives. Every memory is so fresh, it feels like he's just gone out to the market and will come and ring the bell soon... ha ha..

My baba used to be a mining engineer and used to have to live in colonies in different parts of interior India, and would get to come home only once in 6 months or so. We used to live in Calcutta; we would comprise of my ma, my grandpa and my kaku (my baba's younger brother). My kaku was the one who would take care of me all the time and as a child, I used to often wonder why I call my father "Kaku" while everyone else call theirs "Baba" lol.

Even though I was just 3 years old, I cannot forget the moment when I first met my father and realized that 'this' is my very own 'Baba', I remember everything so vividly :)

I was playing "on" the carom board (notice the "on"), with all the powder on it, what a lovely stage it was for me to dance and slip and fall on it he he.. then my kaku came and said "come lets go outside, Baba has come". I was sooo reluctant to leave my dance floor, and also, I was always slightly shy to meet new people (even though nobody really believes it coz I talk so much to complete strangers:P).. but I went with my kaku and saw this man sitting on the bed next to my ma.. he smiled kindly as i came, and I was hiding behind my kaku.. my kaku and ma were both coaxing me to go to my baba, saying "come on go to your baba, how will your baba feel?"...

But none of them knew about the silent communication that was going on between me and my baba.. Baba just sat there on the bed, not moving, not saying a word, just smiling and looking at me.. telling me with his eyes "come to me my child, I am yours and only yours.. and I'm waiting for you to understand that.. but its OK.. take your time my love".......

I was looking at his eyes and face constantly... soon he slowly took out a toy, a jockey seated on a horse, a red one it was :) he turned the key round and round, slowly, and then just put it down on the floor.. it started advancing towards me slowly... now how did he know that I love horses so much :?

I cannot forget the feelings I experienced in those moments, in my entire life... I think for me, those moments are the most important moments in my life...!

I could feel his love so strongly, I slowly walked to him and he picked me up and placed me on his lap... he didn't hug me hard, didn't talk to me animatedly like how people usually talk to kids.. he just let me sit there on his lap, with his arms placed softly around me... giving me all the time to accept him... which I did, almost instantly. I don't know if this happens to everyone, but I remember experiencing a different and a very unique feeling, that of a daughter for her father.. its very different..!

From that moment on, I never felt alone, even though my father was not always with me, I always felt him with me... I guess that's what true love makes us feel.. like how we feel about God, we trust His love coz we believe that God's love is true... My baba was my God... the one whose love I could completely trust, the one who understood me completely, without having to speak one word :)

My father was loved and respected by everyone, I can never stop being proud enough of being his daughter. And I wait for the day I will be with him again :)

He taught me how to love, truly and completely..! The kind of love that only an infant can give.. He used to say "Give true love to everyone, and you'll see people around you are genuinely happy."

I love you baba, we all do :)

Me and the virtual world

Ok, so looks like I have no escape from finally writing a Blog of my own :)

First thing I did was to look up the meaning of the word Blog, "A shared on-line journal where people can post diary entries about their personal experiences and hobbies" it said. Hmmm... online diary? Naah not for me ha ha

I'm one of those who have actually witnessed the computer revolution in India and I often think about how drastically different my lifestyle is today from what it was about 15 years ago. At that time, a mobile phone was just a rumor that we kids used to make wishes about, saying "just imagine, if someday we could carry our phone everywhere with us!". Official letters used to be hand written, or typed out on the type writer in some assorted shop with a proud man or woman showing off his or her speed at typing. Letters to friends and family used to be written out with pen on paper (i must say my handwriting was much better then, now the only writing i do is on the cab trip sheets lol) and used to take 15 days to reach them. And then the waiting for a reply, but what joy when the postman would finally stop by our house to deliver that letter we were so eagerly waiting for :D. Our parents had jobs that got them home at 6 o clock and after that all in the family would gather for tea and talk, talk and talk about all the things in the world, with no mobiles phones to distract us.

Then i remember the day that we got my first computer at home, a pentium 1, 233 MHz with a 4GB hard drive, Man! It was the most precious possession in my life. With a 4kbps internet connection through the modem, i suddenly felt the world was at my very feet. I could reach anything and anyone in seconds. no longer did I have to wait for a month to get a reply from a friend or cousin. It was heaven! And also, I could work on C, C++ and all the other things from my curriculum, what else did I need! :) :) And so began my journey into the virtual world. The CPU and internet speeds increased and so did the hard drive space and so did my expertise in this world. Today, we share desktops over communicator and work with teammates who are oceans across, as if they were sitting right beside us. All this was just a dream at one time! But I've seen this dream slowly becoming a reality and today it seems like we have always lived like this. It is such an addiction today to be online and connected with the world all the time.

But, one day I suddenly realized that we no longer sit together for tea at home and talk and laugh like before. I suddenly realized that my parents have been calling my name while they were having tea, but i just could not hear them anymore, because i was so busy chatting with my friends from across the world, some friends i had never even met, friends who we add to our facebook just to increase our friends count. Well! what the hell was i doing!!! I had been giving up the time that the real people in my life - my family - deserved, for people who are actually unreal, only existing in chats or mails. My family was not happy as it used to be before and yes, I think I was to blame.
Well, from that day, I decided to force myself away from the virtual world. Although its not totally possible to do so, but I am making it a constant effort. I am getting back the smile on my parents' faces and that is all that really matters to me :)

And here's wishing happiness to everyone of you!

Commitment? What's wrong with it?

Something's just not right about our lives these days! What is it? Everyone seems so stressed and irritable! Why aren't things the way it used to be before? When people used to be genuinely happy, poor, yet genuinely happy. How was it possible that you didn't have food to eat and yet you could be happy deep down inside. Was it the commitment in relationships, the simplicity of people and the unconditional love that people wanted to give that made the magic? I guess so!

Today, people are afraid to make commitments, or is 'afraid' just an excuse for frivolity? I have seen times when there was no internet or mobile phone, people had no means of contacting people they don't know personally. But its a different world today, the world is open to many opportunities. People depend on virtual means to know one another, but that is so different from knowing a person in real. Often, when we meet a person after talking to him on the phone, he seems to be a completely different person. A person cannot be encompassed in a mail or on phone, a person carries a world inside himself. And to know that world, we need to see and feel a person in real. We need to know if his smile appeals to us, if his laughter makes you want to laugh too, how he behaves in different situations, how he is to others, how he walks, how he eats, how chivalrous he is or how ladylike she is, how much patience he has, how he takes a joke, how he drives, how he drinks... whew!!! So many things to know about a person, the list is endless! Now how can we know all this on the phone or mail?

No we come to commitment - why are we afraid to commit today? Is it because our relationships are so virtual? Or is it because we don't want to miss out on a better opportunity that may come up tomorrow? Well, whatever it is, it has taken away the stability in relationships that our parents felt in their lives. When we go out and see an old couple laughing and holding hands, we look in awe - "how sweet" we think. Deep down inside we know that we will probably never have that kind of a relationship. Can we really not???

I'm sure we can, but it would take wholesome commitment from both to make it happen. But is it really so difficult? Is it so difficult to trust someone? Why, cant we trust ourselves? Is it so difficult to understand the other when he fails in something, wouldn't you want him to understand you when you do? Why do we have so little patience today, why do we need so much space, what do we do with it? Well, when two people decide to share each other's life, a lot changes about their own lives. we cannot expect that it will remain the same as before, why would we commit if we want it to be the same! But along with the happiness comes a lot of responsibility, sacrifice and acceptance. We should be ready for all this and relationships work like magic! A complete commitment gives us all the meaning we need in life.

Here's wishing people true happiness!!! :)